at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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