Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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