It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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