So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I cut my penus on the lid.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
