Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
