Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
