dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
