I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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