so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
