Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
