ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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