my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize