I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize