Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
