what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
