We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
