Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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