so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
