he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize