You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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