so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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