Please, let me fuck your mom
Do vagina's smell?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize