I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
