no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
