i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize