the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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