I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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