Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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