My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
