I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
