Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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