just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
