I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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