I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
