hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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