The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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