I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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