If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
