"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
