Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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