just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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