Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
