just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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