For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
