i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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