I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize