When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize