Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
