Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
