my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
