My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
