Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
