You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
