WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
