addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
