quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's the barista slut.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
