Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
