Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize