I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
