There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
