she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
