So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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