Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
