is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
