You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
