just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize