Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
