sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
