just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
