I want to make a zoo with you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
