All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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